Recently, I made an Instagram post comparing my writing from 2019/2020, to 2022 to serve as encouragement, to show how I’ve gotten better, but it ended up making me melancholy. Objectively, I got better: my descriptions are more vivid, my dialogue has nuance, and my characters are deeper, yet something is missing. I improved, but at what cost?
My main project from 2019/2020 was titled Princiepoo Goes On an Adventure, and I had a notebook full of character art and planning I took with me everywhere. I blabbered on about it incessantly. Enamored with a world full of dragons, sand, and making fun of the fantasy plot of “Chosen One goes on an adventure to get McGuffin” that was all upside down. Talking about it now, after two years of letting the project collect dust, I’m getting excited. There was this element of puerile insanity; throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what stuck, no outline, no real plot, just my characters and the world that solidified under their feet. I was so excited to see where my bumpkins would lead me whenever I sat down to write.
But now? God, everything is different now. Whenever I sit down to write I’m paralyzed with I need to make the dialogue flow better, need to make this work, need to make this look and read well so it’s easier to edit later. What is the character’s primary flaw? How is that impacting the scene? Question after question after question. I have a short story released, so I need to live up to that; be better than that.
Between the two works, my passion for character remained consistent. I still blabber on about Montoya and Rose (2022 Project) as I did with Zain and Tau. It was Princiepoo that got me addicted to the foil pairing of straight man and jester, which is evident in The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose. But the passion is different. Now with TMOMAR, everything is set up for a goal, everything has to be checked through my knowledge of “good” writing. It’s like pulling teeth.
When I try to turn off Writer Brain™, and have fun with a scene, it inevitably switches back on and squats down. I reread what I wrote over and over, looking for ways to tighten up the prose. Back in 2019/2020, I didn’t care if it was good. Yes, I wanted to improve, but I knew that a project titled Prinicepoo Goes On an Adventure, wasn’t going to be the crème de la crème, so, anything worked. I was so free with my writing.
I am my own issue. As I improved, learned more about the craft of writing, dabbled in teaching writing, thus creating standards for myself. It’s not good enough to simply have fun with something, it has to work. And in a slightly depressing, capitalistic way, I have to make it good so it can make money. It’s the mindset of if I do it right the first time, I can get it out sooner, set up my career early, and earn a coin.
That’s fucked.
These past few weeks I’ve felt so down on my work, nitpicking it, and borderline insulting it because it isn’t “good”. I can’t get the words to flow because I’m so anal-retentive about the words I am putting down being “good”. It has been a year since I started writing TMOMAR, and it has lost some of its luster; my ideas aren’t fresh and shiny anymore, they just need to be implemented. Some of this feeling can be attributed to the fact I’m on a second draft, a complete rewrite of the book, and with Princiepoo it was the first draft (though, I did get about 21k words deep).
And I had to address the fact that I stopped working on Princiepoo. Why? I was moving on. I wanted to work on a more complex, more difficult thriller idea, that was gritty, and “cool”. Something challenging. The cutesy little adventure story wasn’t cutting it for me anymore, and I was losing interest. I wrote myself into corners, and I started needed to pull off the things I was setting up.
Good job, kid. You grew up. Now what?
Now I need to go back and start working on things for myself, with no need of thinking about it getting published, worrying about it being good. Just cut some of the angst out of it and enjoy what’s left of my childhood. It’s important to strike a balance between taking a project seriously and having a dinky little side piece that serves no other purpose than to make me happy—that’s why I started writing in the first place.
“You’ve taught me how to bring happiness into my life, how to smile and see hope when all seems lost, you’ve guided me through the hardest trials. You’ve given me so, so much, and I can only hope that I’ve done the same for you.” Absolutely not, darling. How have we grown together? What the hell is she doing? None of this makes any fucking sense.
May 26, 2021, at three in the morning on a stormy night, lightning struck and I was lying awake in bed. Thunder boomed and my mind was alight with a new story. I had just started writing a Romcom, but this new idea was beyond alluring. It was of adventures and action, love and betrayal, and I was convinced it would be something grand.
A simple scene came to mind; two men sitting in a train car, one white, the other brown, and they were in love, perhaps husbands. They didn’t have clear faces, but I had an idea of who they were. They were discussing their next big hit—a golden heart—while gazing out the window. There was a gold-tinted elegance to the scene, to the way they interacted, and I was mesmerized.
The next day, before school started, I created a Google Doc jotting down all my ideas for the story. The first thing that always comes to me are the characters, so I made an extensive bullet point list for what would become Montoya and Rose.
The fundamental ideas haven’t changed since May: The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose or “TMOMAR” takes place in the 1920s where an archeologist, Montoya, and a scammer, Richard Rose, hunt down mystical artifacts. Reminiscent of Indiana Jones and The Mummy TMOMAR is a story meant to be brimming with action, adventure, and magic.
I never had a particular reason for making Montoya Indian (hailing from India), that is simply how I envisioned him. Much like how I always envisioned Rose as white and redheaded. I wanted Montoya to be the main character because I liked how composed, intelligent, and well-researched he is. I also noted how in many of the inspirations listed above, many of them don’t feature a POC as the main character, and I just… wanted to. Not because I thought I would be some sort of a savior, but because I like how Montoya is, I want him as the lead, and I don’t see it all that often.
The development for the story continued on unbothered for some time. I submitted the first chapter for a creative writing class in April (I got an 80 on it), and went to work.
Then, I discovered a YouTube show that would alter my perspective and inadvertently lead to the death of TMOMAR.
Act 2
“Book CommuniTEA” is a YouTube series created by Jess Owens discussing the “goings on in the bookish community”. Owens goes into depth about the drama and discussions floating around on bookish Twitter and gives her opinions on the matter.
I fell into the series because the videos are long enough for me to listen to while I got ready for school, and because I enjoyed (and still do enjoy) Owens’ wit and perspective on the drama. I watched those videos every day and I noticed a shift in how I was thinking.
Before I continue on, while Book CommuniTEA was very influential, I am in no way blaming Owens for what happened, nor do I think it’s her fault. I was, and still am, an easily influenced teenager, and it could have been any kind of series that led me to think in the manner in which I did.
Through Book CommuniTEA, I was beginning to deeply think about the perspectives of the POV voices on Twitter about representation in literature. I was introduced to the idea that a white (cis-gendered, straight, able-bodied, etc) writer should “stay in their lane” and “write what they know”. To be clear, these are not necessarily the opinions of Owens, rather, these were the opinions of nameless Twitter users that she was reading off of.
From there I learned more about the #ownvoices movement in traditional publishing; the idea that more stories about minorities should be published by people in that minority group. Since its origin in 2015, the movement has come under harsh criticism for not holding up to scrutiny. If you want to learn more about this subject matter, I recommend watching Rachel Writes’ video “Writing Diversely & the problem with ‘staying in your lane’”.
At this point, TMOMAR was trucking along, and I started doing research for it (up until that point it was primarily character and plot building). I learned about the deep-rooted discrimination against Asian people by the United States, and I was in shock. I was not aware that they were not allowed to be naturalized citizens until the 1960’s, and less so about the numerous bans against them. My American schooling never taught me about the dehumanization of Asian people in my own country. I found out about it from a Young Adult book, not a textbook. This set me off, but it also filled me with guilt.
How was I so unaware of this? I felt cheated by my school system, but I felt awful about myself for not knowing such a dark and massive part about history. For what felt like for the first time in my life, I was made painfully aware of my privilege as a white person; I could easily live my life not knowing because American society has constructed itself in such a way where I didn’t need to know.
This altered not only my worldview but how I saw TMOMAR. I thought, how can I write a story set in the 1920s and not talk about this? Montoya would constantly be faced with horrible, blatant racism because he’s Indian. While I was aware of the racism of the 20s, and while I assumed that Montoya would be treated worse than his white counterparts, this was more specific, it was more informed.
This is where I started thinking that I needed to write a trauma story. This is where everything went horribly wrong. From my (limited) knowledge of a sensitive topic, I assumed that I needed to hyperfocus on that sensitive topic in order to tell the story I wanted to tell. TMOMAR shifted from being an adventure story—something well within “my lane” to write—into a story I had (and still don’t have) the qualifications to write.
Why did I feel I needed to change TMOMAR?
I didn’t want to write a novel set in the past and ignore the issues that the 20s had. I wanted to stay true to the era and not glorify it.
But there’s magic in that world. Naturally, I was very closely adhering to reality.
It was a vain attempt to do what my predecessors in this genre (to my knowledge at the time) didn’t do. It was to be sensitive to Asian and Indian people who lived in the United States at that time.
Then the misguided puzzle pieces were forced together.
Act 3
I was beginning to “write outside my lane”.
If TMOMAR is set in the 1920s, it follows a POC protagonist, and because of that I have to focus on the racism and discrimination that he would face, but I’m white, therefore, I cannot write that story.
“Part of the issue for me was not seeing Montoya beyond his race.” I said in a video I posted to Instagram on this subject.
All the voices and opinions of strangers swirled around in my head, and I took the bits and pieces of their narrative and constructed one of my own. I was terrified to “write outside my lane” and risk hurting people. But no one in my actual life told me to quit. No one that knew me supported these ideas. Everyone I talked to about this was kind and supportive, and they offered fantastic advice.
And that’s where the majority of fear stemmed: not wanting to hurt others.
One of the things talked about in Book CommuniTEA is how well-intentioned white (among other things) authors missed the mark in trying to tell a diverse story. I thought that it would be better for me to not write the story at all than to miss the mark, hurt others, and be a “bad” person. I felt I had to give up the story because I was afraid of the research necessary in order to tell that version of TMOMAR well. But even then, I had a defeatist attitude.
I decided the best thing for me to do was to quit.
On social media and with my friends I didn’t dive into the racial component of this decision because I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. Plus, the fact that I was terrified of the mountain of research that needed to be done and the general mounting fear of the project were enough reasons for me to quit.
I fell into a mourning period. At that point, I had spent three months of my life growing attached to my characters, their story, and all the little things associated with them. When I caught myself listening to a song and thinking that’s something Montoya would enjoy I would mentally slap myself on the wrist.
Around that time I also fell into my worst writing slump to date—but there were many, many factors leading to that. I felt worthless in my writing and by extension, myself.
About a month later, I was tired of listening to the same sort of music I had been listening to and decided to poke around on the abandoned TMOMAR playlist. In an instant, all the ideas, the hope, the adoration for The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose flashed before me. All of the reasons I started writing that story to begin with. All the reasons I fell in love with it.
Because of the time I spent away from it, I realized that what I thought about wasn’t making it realistic, it was putting the ‘fiction’ in ‘historical fiction’. TMOMAR didn’t need to be focused on the horrible bits of the 20s because that’s not what it was about. There is enough room for me to understand and acknowledge the racism of the 1920s while not fixating on it.
This is what my friends were telling me all along.
I treated TMOMAR like some ground-breaking literary novel about the nuances of racism and placed that weight onto my weak shoulders. And I collapsed.
Epilogue
TMOMAR has not been easy to write, but I have loved each and every moment of it. I have a lot of research ahead of me, and I always will, but I’ve been chipping away at it. When the first book is readable, I’ll hire sensitivity readers to help me fill in the gaps and make sure the book isn’t being offensive with its portrayal of Montoya and other POC characters. I’ll make sure to respectfully ask people questions. I’ll do all that I can so that TMOMAR can properly convey what it’s supposed to be: an adventure story with larger-than-life characters and magic.
To a certain extent, Past Jay was correct in not wanting to write outside his lane. I think in some ways, it prevented a catastrophe of a book, and in others, it stifled creativity. “Write in your lane” and the ideas behind it are so complex and nuanced that I can’t cover it in this post.
It has been a long journey to come where I am now, and I don’t see it ending any time soon. However, I am passionate about my story and my characters and I’m willing to learn. And right now, that’s all I can hope to do.
Revise the novel I was working on at the time/learn how to revise a novel
Learn how to work with beta readers
Publish
Looking back at that old blog post, one of my biggest goals should’ve been to work on my non-fiction writing because sheesh. Anyhow, I’m sitting at a 2/4 for those writing goals.
Could be worse.
1: Release a series of short stories
This goal was about a series of short stories I was working on and planned on releasing in June. I stopped cold turkey in March and I haven’t touched it since. My dream was releasing this series on a semi-regular basis, amass a crowd of adoring fans, become famous, etc.
Releasing that series wasn’t a bad goal on its own, but my writing priorities shifted and I hit a bad burnout over the summer. A new idea, The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose, caught my eye and I was a goner ever since.
I think the main reason I didn’t complete this goal was that I wasn’t married to the idea. It would’ve taken a massive amount of time to complete, and that’s time I’m not interested in investing. Though, it’s good that I gave it a go because it expanded my horizons when it comes to fiction writing.
Just so you never ask me to release the full thing, here is an excerpt of what I was working on:
The plan would be going forth that fateful night.
Summer has long since passed. Now, under the glow of a crescent moon, the grass is brown and frost-bitten. The bare trees sway with the chilling wind, and hearths need to be more attended to.
The wind pushes against the window of the Estate owner’s daughter, Ada. It whistles through the small gaps and creates a small draft. She shivers, pulling the thick, woolly blankets up to her chin.
Her fireplace is a void in her wall. She closes her eyes and pretends that this winter is like the last one. But she feels the gown staring at her.
January 2021
(Side note, it’s so odd to read what I wrote a year ago. If I doubt if I’ve improved, I’ll reread what I wrote back then).
2: Learn how to revise a novel/revise the novel I was working on at the time
I think I know what novel I was talking about in the original post, but Past Jay felt the need to be secretive and not reveal what genre it was. Past Jay could’ve been referring to the novel I was drafting over winter break, a thriller derived from the first book I wrote, but I’m not sure. Whatever the case, I have not revised a novel this year. I so thoroughly failed that specific goal that I wrote two books in 2021. Revised none of them.
I only know how to revise a novel in theory because all of my first drafts have been so utterly broken that the only way to salvage them is to go in with a rewrite. Both times.
3: Learn how to work with beta readers
I actually did this one! Huzzah! When I wrote my short story, The Stolen Dagger, I enlisted the help of six beta readers to get feedback on my work. It was confusing. I don’t know why, but I expected the process to be easier than it was. Maybe the stress got to me, maybe it was my inexperience. Whatever the case, it was a confusing process to evaluate what everyone was telling me.
I have so much more to learn about the beta reader process that even though I’m marking this goal as completed, it’s only partially so.
4: Publish
I fully completed this one. After the falling out of my short story series, I gave up on publishing. Then something in me broke in this past month and I went all-in. The journey to publishing was wild and extremely short, and if you want to know what it was like, you can read about it here.
Conclusion
I’ve made so much progress in this past year that it doesn’t matter if I met all of the goals I set in 2020. I learned how to write essays, I stayed consistent with my social media and managed to hit 1k followers on Instagram, I wrote two books, and I published! While I have goals for 2022, big ones at that, I have no intention of sharing them publicly. I’ll probably make a post like this a year from now and evaluate my progress. I know I’m incredible and I’m proud of the work I’ve done, and that’s what matters now, and a year into the future.
I never rest with my creative projects until I am forced to. My creativity, motivation, and mental health tend to take a dive before I take a break.
That’s not a good thing.
It’s not that I don’t understand the importance of rest, I absolutely do, but my mind doesn’t quiet when ask it to (creatively speaking). Then, when I get fired up to work on another project since it seemed that it’s time to get a move on, it checks out. Part of the issue is I don’t feel like a whole person when I’m not writing. Hell, at the time of drafting this post, that’s where I’m at.
I don’t know what to do. I could read. But I’m always doing that. Watch a show? Work on another project? All of these scattered questions rise in my mind and I end up feeling worse about myself and my writing because of them.
I’m a teenager and don’t yet have a fully developed brain or a true sense of self. I have assigned my identity to work, and when I need to take a break from that, it’s like I’m flung out into the freezing ocean. It’s not that I’m Jay, it’s that I’m an Author, a Writer, a Creator. Everything I am is wrapped up in words. Everything I am is tangled in my creations. And when those things start sucking the life out of me because I am Human, I shortcircuit. The vibrant colors of lies fade away and I’m left with the faded, gritty truth of:
I have no clue who I am.
Where do I go from here? What are the solutions to my problems? The people I’ve talked to about this told me to set a small goal that centers around enjoyment; essentially, distract myself like throwing a toy for a dog. Make it a goal to watch an episode of a TV show or read a chapter of a book. Let it be a game. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t. I suck myself back into the over-working cycle due to a lack of self-discipline, then when burnout threatens, I dash away and hold out a cross to it as if it’s a demon.
I know I’m not the only creative person who has struggled with this, but I haven’t seen anyone in my spheres talk about it. It seems like everyone has it figured out until burnout strikes, then, we can only start writing when we’re forced to.
I fall off the face of the Earth, then I crop back up again like nothing ever happened. Typical. Well, I’ve debuted! I’m now an ‘official’ author, doing official author things (like procrastinating on updating this site again).
What have I debuted?
On December 17, I released The Stolen Dagger, a short story that follows Montoya and Rose, two adventures, as they spend the holidays at home. Here is the blurb:
December 1920
After their first adventure of getting the Golden Heart, Montoya and Rose are ready for a quiet Christmas back home, in New York. Montoya invites Rose to his family’s estate to spend their first holidays together. But Rose and the Estate have many secrets up their sleeves–secrets that will destroy Montoya and his family. Friendships are tested and trust goes up in flames as gunshots ring through the air like sleigh bells.
The Stolen Dagger is a short story that follows the events of The Golden Heart, but stands on its own as a story.
The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose is perfect for fans of Indiana Jones and The Mummy.
If you’re interested in reading it yourself, you check check it out on Amazon here, and you can add it to GoodReads here.
So… where is The Golden Heart if this story follows that book? It’s uh, it’s in the works.
Then why release a short story that follows the events of The Golden Heart if The Golden Heart isn’t even released yet? Because I wanted to.
Absolutely fantastic marketing strategy, I know. However, they’re disconnected enough to where they stand on their own as narratives, and while there are references to The Golden Heart in The Stolen Dagger, you don’t need to have read The Golden Heart in order to understand the short story.
The Story Behind the Story
It was November 27, 2021, and I was possessed by the Christmas spirit (sounds rather violent when you phrase it that way), and I wanted to write a short story surrounding my beloved characters. I posted a poll on Instagram asking if people wanted to read it, and it was a 100% poll on ‘yes’.
Initially I anticipated the short story to be nothing more than 3k words and something I could post here. Low steaks, something fun, nothing big.
Wrong.
As I wrote, the story started getting more defined and it took on a plot and theme of its own. Once I surpassed it being 10k words, I seriously contemplated using it as my debut; polishing it up to the best of my ability, formatting it, and tossing it onto the wilds of Amazon to see how it’d fair. To finally say that I am a published author. I wanted to challenge myself, to see if I had the gull to draft, revise, edit, design a cover for, and publish my work in less than a month.
I have no idea what I was on because I knew full well that I have finals, and as the month progressed, I applied for a job, and I was wrapping up some major school projects.
Every morning, I woke up even earlier than I normally do (about 5:30 am) and worked on The Stolen Dagger. Whatever spare moment I had gone to the short.
I cried. A lot. I placed myself under an absurd amount of pressure to see how far I could go. And I sacrificed so much to make it to this point.
But I did it.
And I did it early.
Originally, it was supposed to be released on December 22, however, my beta readers were able to give me lightning-fast feedback. So, I was able to implement their critiques and get things moving. Even uploading the file to Amazon went much faster than I thought.
The Stolen Dagger released, much to everyone’s surprise, on December 17, 2021.
Lessons Learned
Don’t write and release anything in a month during finals, while applying for a job, while finishing up a semester, while Christmas encroaches, right after you finished writing a book. Bad idea.
TERRIBLE IDEA.
DON’T DO IT.
– Nike or something like that
Sorry to yell, I didn’t mean to sound rude, but the skinny of it is while I can push myself to those kinds of limits, I shouldn’t. If I thought I was sacrificing quality to published, I wouldn’t have done it, but for some reason, I could sacrifice my own well-being in order to pull of this bull-headed idea.
Some of the feedback I got terrified me, and I know that’s because I was in an altered state of mind. I was so keen on making it, that I broke myself.
A week before the story was supposed to publish, I was home alone, sitting on the couch, paper copy of The Stolen Dagger in my hand. I scrolled through the feedback on my phone. Under the glow of multi-colored Christmas light, hot tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on the paper, smudging the ink. I crumpled in on myself, falling into the chasm of panic and fear.
This is terrible and everyone will hate it. What makes you think you can publish? What right do you have to do this? Stupid, stupid child. No one will want to pay for this. No on will care. Everyone who has ever complimented you lied because you can’t face the truth, and this is proof.
I asked myself: is it worth it?
The answer was a quiet ‘yes’.
‘Yes’ because I love the story and I love the characters even more. A ‘yes’ because I’ve gotten this far, I just need to push a little more. A ‘yes’ because this is my dream, no matter how awake I am.
Something more practical I learned: feedback is confusing.
I thought that feedback would be more straightforward. Like, someone would just say “oh, I don’t like X” and then I would immediately know how to fix “X”. I didn’t even question if ‘X’ needed to be fixed in the first place.
Wrong, once more.
Feedback is vital to the creative process, duh. But in all of my research, no one prepared me for how absolutely and utterly maddening it can be.
If I don’t take this person’s perspective into account, then the story will be awful. If I don’t somehow incorporatethe contradicting feedback, then the story will be awful.
Drawing the line between what is useful and what is opinion is a separate skill on its own. A skill I will need years and many projects to master.
Pride
I’m proud of myself. While I will forever have those deafening insecurities about my writing, and about The Stolen Dagger, I did it. Using the abilities I have, and nothing but the wind in my sails to achieve my goals, I did it.
And I feel fantastic.
Like just finished some intense sprints, fantastic.
Like climbing a mountain fantastic.
Like seeing an ‘A’ on my final paper fantastic.
I did it. But you can bet your britches I will never do it again.
Expectations
The Stolen Dagger is not going to sell well, it is not going to gain massive attraction, and it most certainly will not put me out onto the map. I’m not saying this to be self-deprecating, or to make you pity me, it’s just a fact of publishing with absolutely no marketing behind me, with no readership, and with no prior works; it’s the reality of self publishing.
And I’m okay with that.
I know that releasing a holiday-themed short story that follows the expository book that isn’t even out yet is a terrible marketing strategy, and goes against all of the advice I’ve researched. I’m willing to take that hit.
I don’t need to reach those materialistic goals because that’s not why I wrote and put the story out there. I charge for the story because I put in so much effort and I think it deserves to be paid for.
I understand that people will say that I shouldn’t place my work behind a paywall because this story is not something worthy to pay for. So, don’t buy it. I believe in the quality of my work right now, and I believe that it’s respectable, even if others don’t agree with me. It’s the internet, and everyone is opinionated.
Conclusion
I broke down a fortress for myself by writing and releasing a short story. And doing within the time constraints I gave myself made me shove past my insecurities and just achieve my goals.
If you’ve read to this point, thank you. Do or don’t buy The Stolen Dagger, but thank you for being here, and thank you for reading.
(Happy Holidays and if you celebrate, Merry Christmas. May you find rest and may you celebrate with those you love.)
The Golden Heart, the third book I have ever written, is unlike anything else I have ever created. While my process for it has been much the same as it has been in the past, now it feels more streamlined. While there are many, many flaws in this first draft, I am proud of my little monster (I say that with all the endearment in the world). In this post, I will work to break down the major things I have learned from this first draft, what I did and didn’t do well, and my overall thoughts.
Synopsys of The Golden Heart
Montoya has been searching for the golden heart since he could read English. What started with childhood captivation fueled by support from his father has divulged into obsession. The heart, rumored to heal all that wears it, would be proof of an ancient society that has long since been lost to time.
It would also be Montoya’s big break — a chance for him to cement his name in 1920s archeology circles.
When Montoya gets locked into a deal with the Devil, gets shackled to a partner who wants nothing more than riches, and when his arch-nemesis is biting at his heels, he realizes that archeology is much more than a dig site. Twist after turn, Montoya gets thrown on an unforgettable adventure through the jungles of South America.
Will he be able to find the golden heart and return to New York City in one piece, or will he be lost to time like all those who searched for the heart before him?
The Golden Heart is the first book in The Misadventures of Montoya and Rose series.
Stats
Started: July 14, 2021
Finished: November 24, 2021
Total word count: 60,587
The average number of words per day: ~ 456
Page count (8×11): 176
Number of chapters: 45
My NaNoWriMo Chart
My Major Strengths
Characters
The biggest thing I’m proud of with this book is the character arcs. And while right now, a day after finishing The Golden Heart, I can’t say if I’ve done it well, I most certainly put forth the effort to have all (or at the very least most) of my main characters change. Montoya and Rose have gone through an allies-to-enemies-to-allies-to-friends arc and it was a blast to write.
I decided to include more side characters—make them matter—and I did it! I’m so proud of myself for hitting that goal that I set for myself. And now, I understand what other writers mean when they say that side characters can steal the show. I’ve fallen in love with so many of the side characters in The Golden Heart, and I feel the value of having appealing secondary characters — they make my novel richer (wow, really? No way!).
I can’t wait to refine the work I’ve begun with these characters and see where they’ll go.
Perseverance
The Golden Heart was my NaNoWriMo project this year, and I not only hit my goal early, but I also finished the book (obviously).
I changed my daily routine to include writing. I woke up at six, and by seven I would have my butt in the chair, drafting. By doing this, I have been able to consistently add in 500-700 words, even when it would turn out to be a hectic day. By starting my day out with my project, I would have it in the back of my mind, quietly working on it, while I focused on other tasks.
Oddly enough, I didn’t hit too many roadblocks while drafting The Golden Heart, which I attribute to my better understanding of story, but when I did, I shoved my way past them. No, I didn’t deal with them gracefully, I just put my issues into brackets and pretended to solve them.
“Chapter 16” of The Golden Heart
My Major weaknesses
Pacing
The pacing of this novel has and will continue to keep me up at night. While drafting, it felt as if I was overwriting and adding in too much detail, but now I look back on it, I don’t think I added in enough… well, everything. There isn’t enough action, there isn’t enough “adventure”, there isn’t enough exploration; you know, the stuff that this book is about.
I joke that I wrote a classic novel disguised as an adventure story with all of the conversations and navel-gazing in the prose. And while that can work, it’s not what I’m going for.
Traveling to get to the temple where the Heart is located takes up 97% of the book while being in the temple takes up maybe 2% of the book and the ending is 1%. Not the ideal story structure, I must admit.
Beyond that, while I am happy that character arcs exist, they aren’t padded out throughout the story, and most of the development is jammed in at the end.
Hanging Threads
I brought up a facet of the worldbuilding to which I never brought resolution. A handful of side characters are left hanging in thin air. An entire side plot is just… unresolved. This is to be expected from a first draft, and a first draft that was written by the seat of my pants. Still, it bothers me.
Gaps in my knowledge
I had (and still have) many gaps in my knowledge about the 20s, which is a terrible thing considering the setting of the book. There is only one way to remedy this.
It truly shows in the way that the characters speak, the way that they get around, the way that they treat societal norms, hell, even some of their viewpoints. I am the most ashamed to admit that there are so many cut corners in terms of history, but I will do better about it in future drafts.
This is the thing I feel the most ashamed about, but I know why I didn’t do more research before I began: I didn’t know what to research. Now that I have a better understanding of where and why the characters travel where they do, I can hone in on what I need to learn and fix it.
What I’ve learned
People are willing to listen to you ramble about your book even if they haven’t read it.
One of the biggest things that separate The Golden Heart from my previous novel writing projects is that I talked about it while writing. I never shared the entirety of the first draft, but I rambled on about it on my Instagram page, and people were incredibly receptive. It’s heartwarming for folks to seem just as enthusiastic about your work as you do. I know there are some major pitfalls to sharing a project this early, and I’ll just need to see where this takes me (and remain cautious).
I assumed that only myself and maybe one or two others would be invested in my characters, but I was wrong. So very wrong. And I’m thankful to be wrong!
Having genuine enthusiasm about your work, sharing that enthusiasm, and being earnest about your passions (in the right community) will generate love and support for that project.
So much is gleaned from diving into your story
How effective pantsing is will vary from writer to writer (and even within the writer!), but I know for certain how much depth I can get from characters and setting when I simply start writing. It’s amazing.
In my mind, when writing fiction, I need to get hands-on with the novel to get what I need from the story.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
I adore the adventure, the banter, the action, and the dialogue between characters. I love Montoya and Rose with all of my heart, and I can’t wait to see where they’ll go from here!
I know there is possible years’ worth of work ahead of me with this book alone. I am ready to face it—just not right now. Eventually, enthusiasm will ebb and grit will have to take its place, but right now I’m riding the high of the honeymoon.
I’m thankful to get away from the grind of drafting a novel, and I’m looking forward to working on smaller projects.
How The Golden Heart compares to my previous novels
It was less difficult than Heaven’s Hellions (you can read the post about my first book here) but more difficult than my Romcom (which I started and finished earlier this year). The adventure, historical, and magical components of the story put me out of my comfort zone, but not too much so that I floundered. At this point, I’m finding my groove with my drafting process.
I think that it’ll be far more difficult to edit than my previous books. However, I can’t say for certain.
Thank yous
As always, thank you Emily for being there through the highs and lows of The Golden Heart’s creation. Thank you for being a receptive ear, and excellent person to bounce ideas off of, and for being one of the greatest people I have ever met.
Thank you, Meg (@meg.the.author on Instagram) for being an amazing cheerleader and friend and giving me an extra push when I needed it.
Thank you, Athena (@author.athenagrey on Instagram) for always being someone I could rant to about my book, and for mutually wanting to stab Victor with me.
Thank you to everyone who has supported my many, many posts about The Golden Heart on my Instagram page. Thank you for being invested in my work and cheering me on as I crossed the first draft finish line. Thank you for listening, thank you for being there, and thank you for your time.
And thank you, dear reader (now this is a callout) for getting to this point on the post, and being invested enough to read to this point.
As we near the end of November, many of you will be feeling a little frazzled and burnt out on your projects. But with plenty of time left to go, you need to try and avoid burnout as much as you can.
As some background, this past summer I hit some of the worst burnout I’ve ever had with writing; right at the beginning of it I finished the book I had been drafting, and I had no clue what to work on next and I had no motivation to actually work on another project. Having pushed through that, I’ve come to some realizations.
1: Consistently consume media while writing
This is one of my biggest mistakes, and it always leads to a “dried up” creative well. I don’t read as much as I should, I don’t watch any TV shows or movies, thus, I’m not studying stories.
It’s so important that you take the time to read/watch other media as you write — not only so that you don’t run out of ideas, but also because it allows for you to study story. Most of our knowledge on the subject is intuitive, and in order to continue learning, we must continue studying.
Take some time out of your day to pick up a book, or read a poem from a collection. Maybe listen to an audiobook while you do chores. Find the time to squeeze it in during your hectic schedule.
2: Don’t force yourself to write when you’re feeling sick of it
Or, if because of Nano you have to, break it up into smaller, more manageable chunks throughout the day. Listen to your “heart” when it’s telling you it’s tired. Sometimes, yes, you need to persevere, but there are times where it’s better to cut your losses and rest. If you can’t tell if it’s one of those times where it’s better to push through, set a ten minute timer and do a writing sprint. How do you feel after doing that? A lot of the time you’ll want to continue, but if you don’t, then simply don’t continue writing.
3: Schedule times to not write
I tell myself that I don’t need to write in the evenings, however, I need to write in the mornings. An extension of this tip is to have a writing schedule, but so much of the time we’re focused on when to write that we neglect how important breaks are.
You can prevent a crash-and-burn burnout by allowing yourself one or two days out of the week where you expect yourself to not write, or write very little. It’s like knowing you have a weekend, but with writing.
4: Don’t guilt yourself over not writing
Life happens. Motivation ceases. Brain does that thing where it’s unhappy. Whatever the case, beating yourself up over not doing a very time-intensive hobby is not going to make you want to do the time-intensive hobby. Take a deep breath.
And I’m here to remind you that if you haven’t written recently, that’s okay! You’re still a writer and you’re still doing amazing, wonderful things.
5: Do things that are adjacent to writing
One of my favorite examples of this is drawing my characters. Do something that’ll make you think about your WIP without having to expressly work on your WIP. Or, you can go for a walk, workout, generally do something physical to get yourself out of Writing Mode™ while you brainstorm ideas.
6: Journal your feelings about the project.
I do this via social media, but putting this in your personal journal or keeping it separate really helps. If you have a writing buddy, chat to them about all your feelings about the project. I find that when I’m feeling unmotivated, or I’m on the verge of burnout, seeing the passion I have for my project fuels me to keep going (or at the very least spite the honeymoon phase Jay).
7: Don’t take yourself too seriously
Tease yourself about your mistakes, pretend you’re a bestselling author giving an interview about your project, make memes/jokes about the characters/plot of your novel. Whatever you do, make it fun so that you don’t feel like you’re carrying the weight of this project on one shoulder.
Thank you for reading, and hopefully you found this helpful! No matter what you do, know that I’m proud of you and you’re doing so much better than you think you are.
On October 31, it’ll be a year since I started this blog. I had big plans: grow this platform along with my Instagram, consistently document my writing journey, share short stories, advice, the lot of it.
And here I am. The last time I updated on here was ten months ago with a shoddy post about goals or something equally as lofty. Then, this site started collecting digital dust.
I was amazed whenever I received an email that someone, somewhere, for some reason, decided to like a post. For a minute, I would go, “why?” and ignore the notification. So, in the past ten months the only time I thought about this site is for a collective three seconds.
At least I’m consistent.
Why I left
It wasn’t intentional.
I got busy with life and this fell to the bottom of the priority poll, and I forgot about it.
It would be so much cooler if there was some epic tale about how I was fighting a clone of myself, or an evil robot locked me out of this account, or that I needed to shed all aspects of my former identity because I needed to go into the witness protection program.
Nope, I’m just a teenager. Sorry folks.
Where I’ve been:
School
Growing my Instagram platform
Writing (I’ve written another book in the time I’ve been away! It’s the Romcom I vaguely alluded to in the past)
Wasting away my youth watching YouTube
Whinging about the YA book I read
Letting my cat in and out of my room
Why I’ve Returned
I’ve found my Instagram niche in the teen writing community. Sometimes I give advice on how to write X, Y, and Z, or I share very short snippets of my writing. Instagram has a ten slide limit for a single post, and that means I need to cram all the information I have into tiny font.
I’m sick of it.
I want people to be able to read what I create without straining their eyes. I want to go more in-depth with my opinions and advice. I want to share my short stories.
However, I realize that the demographic that reads and utilizes WordPress as a blogging platform aren’t my original target demographic, and that’s okay. Maybe it’s time I diversity who gets exposed to my work because, well, if it’s quality, it shouldn’t just appeal to teenagers.
Expectations, goals, and where to go from here.
I will continually work to make this website as visually appealing and substantial as I can.
I will post some of my beefier Instagram posts as blog posts so that those of you who aren’t here from the social media platform can get up to date on what I’ve been doing.
I will, of course, continue to post to Instagram — some content is better suited for that platform anyhow — but I will work to create original posts for this website. I will share original fiction that isn’t suited to Instagram’s platform. I will do whatever I feel like.
This blog won’t blow up. Hell, I don’t expect anyone to read this post (if you are, here, have a cookie and not the data tracking kind), but I want this to be here for me. It has been so nice to look back on my old posts and see where I was about a year ago in my writing; to laugh at myself and to nod in approval the things that Past Jay has accomplished. In many ways, this website feels more substantial than an Instagram account. If I ever turn this into an Official Author Website, then I hope my readers will be able to look back at where I came from and say “I’m glad he doesn’t write like that anymore, seesh.”
Conclusion
I’m not going to promise that I will be consistent in my posting, but I am going to promise to try.
I’m excited to continue this journey with you.
Thank you for reading and I hope that you find a bucket full of marshmellows later,
Do you remember how we all had such high hopes for a year with such a swanky number? This past year was disastrous for many reasons, but it pays no fool to focus on the negative.
There were only two obvious things that weren’t terrible for me this year, and one of them was my success with writing. The other is too personal for public platforms. Anyhow, I have written a full novel and have made significant progress with another (granted, it’s a rewrite of the completed novel. I’ll get into it). I’ve also started taking my experimentation with this blog and Instagram seriously, and I have… hopes for them both.
Some reflection about my novel
I fully expected to feel like I have gained some kind of power and knowledge with having completed the first draft of a book, but I feel just as I did before. But there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ve significantly improved as a writer in this past year.
Not only on a basic prose level but also on an overarching structural level. Novels are so intricate and if one thinks about it for too long, it gets far too overwhelming. But that means that there’s always something new to learn; that your progression has no real reason to plateau.
I also learned that I can write a book. I wrote a book! Most can’t say that. Knowing that it is, indeed, possible for my peanut brain to do such a thing fans the flames of my ego. I best be careful about that… That confidence has inspired me to rework and rewrite my first book.
The seemingly insufferable task of rewriting a book is daunting, and it’s a sure sign of failure, but I was going to fail somewhere, so it might as well have been with a draft. The long and the short of it is that I found the story I was meaning to tell only after I fumbled around with a crapshoot.
I have a new focus. I made an outline, and I have pumped out 15k words in a week.
Goals concerning my novel writing
I want to go through the revisions and begin the editing stages of a novel this upcoming year. I want to push myself further into the process than I have ever gone before, and I wish to enlist the help of beta readers with my project.
There is also a series of short stories in the works right now. My hope is that I will be able to start releasing my new project by or in the summer. I will talk more about that project when I officially announce it — for now, you must wait in suspense (I’m sure you’re so very invested in a lofty promise of a project that you must find a way to settle yourself. I recommend cold water).
As far as long term goals, and how I want to share my work with the general populous, I haven’t the faintest idea. Will I try to go the trad route? Will I go through a more professional means of self-publishing? Shall I just post to an open platform site such as Wattpad? Who knows.
Goals concerning my social platforms
I doubt that I’m going to reach massive heights with this here blog and my Instagram. However, I’m not going to focus on numbers because they’re too finicky and have a nasty tendency to mess with one’s head.
Rather, my goal here is consistency. I want to push myself to post regularly on both platforms. I’m going to try a new system of posting that seems to work for many others and I hope will work for me. I want to be able to gaze upon a backlog of quality posts. I won’t fib and say numbers are meaningless to me — I’m not that egregious of a liar. Nay, I’m curious to see what frequent, quality posting will do. How much will I grow? Must I pay to play (in this capitalistic society, yes. However, how far can I push it before I must pay to play? Probably far less than I’m willing to admit).
I also wish to improve upon concise works such as short stories and blog posts. I want to become a better opinion essayist — which will do nothing but help in the grand scheme of my academic career. It’s also important to me that I have something of a backlog of my work (as embarrassing as it may come to be) to show where I have dug my roots into and grown.
A backlog of free works that are representative of my style and genre preferences may help with growing a readership. Besides, one is never too young to herd readers and use them as cheap bait to earn a profit (I am nothing if not a hypocrite; it’s one of my many dazzling talents). As in, I enjoy following authors and seeing where they’ve come from and how their work has evolved, so, why not do it for myself?
Goals concerning revising and editing
I touched upon this briefly in the novel section, but I wanted to dedicate an entire space to it. I have very little experience with revision and editing for I have yet to make it that far into any of my long-form works. As a more experienced writer than I has said,
Good writing is rewriting
So many old white men that the internet can’t decide who got there first but it certainly wasn’t me so don’t go turning some greasy eyeballs looking for plagiarism.
I may have a book, but that doesn’t mean it’s close to being a great or even good work. It simply exists as a dumpster fire on my Google Drive — the warmth of which heats up the left for dead manuscripts I have piled in there.
Conclusion
It’s apparent that none of these goals are what one would call concrete. However, that just means that Future Jay can determine the threshold for success and failure. The scoundrel best be in a pleasant mood when he reflects upon these goals.
I am a lier and I am a fool. When I walk, the bells attached to my jester’s hat jingles. Not only am I the a clown; I’m the whole damn circus.
The dramatics aren’t called for.
Okay, you’ve waited two paragraphs for my point: I’ve started writing a new book!
I said that I would take a break, take a KitKat or whatever.
Lies.
The lot of it.
My brain is just in this mood for novel writing right now, and it’s fantastic! And I know that the Muse will eventually leave me in a nasty divorce (who keeps the kids?) and I will have to work off of good habits and pride.
I was so lost down this spinning spiral of my other project that I made myself cross-eyed. And considering that I don’t have an outline, only like, the vague idea of a climax and whole bunch of cute scenes and dialogue, I’m hoping for the best.
That means that I am in the Disaster Draft™ (thunder booms in the distance) stage of my writing. Not worth being called a “zero draft” nor the honor of a first draft. Nay. It doesn’t even get a number it’s so monstrous.
What is this new book about? you may (or may not) be asking.
That’s a good question. I uh… I barely know. All I got is that it’s a contemporary YA romcom.
There could be ghosts (I love me some ghosts), it’ll be a little meta, and a whole lot of fun.
I don’t want to give away the core concept I’m working with mainly because even core concepts can be subject to change while I frolic around in the Disaster Draft™.
Fun fact: I even have a little blue notebook for this new project! And I’m brainstorming working titles for it.
Point being, I’m going to ride this high while it lasts. I’m going to jot down everything that comes to mind, and I’m going to have fun. I’ve already made myself laugh so many times, and that’s exactly what I need.
There’s something magical about writing a new book, so I’m going to try and preserve this glee in a little glass jar, and use it when Disinterest rears its ugly head (the plan being to chuck the jar at it and see what happens).
I better like revising or else my thoughtless ass is doomed.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you stumble upon a lucky coin later.
J. V. Montague 