I never rest with my creative projects until I am forced to. My creativity, motivation, and mental health tend to take a dive before I take a break.
That’s not a good thing.
It’s not that I don’t understand the importance of rest, I absolutely do, but my mind doesn’t quiet when ask it to (creatively speaking). Then, when I get fired up to work on another project since it seemed that it’s time to get a move on, it checks out. Part of the issue is I don’t feel like a whole person when I’m not writing. Hell, at the time of drafting this post, that’s where I’m at.
I don’t know what to do. I could read. But I’m always doing that. Watch a show? Work on another project? All of these scattered questions rise in my mind and I end up feeling worse about myself and my writing because of them.
I’m a teenager and don’t yet have a fully developed brain or a true sense of self. I have assigned my identity to work, and when I need to take a break from that, it’s like I’m flung out into the freezing ocean. It’s not that I’m Jay, it’s that I’m an Author, a Writer, a Creator. Everything I am is wrapped up in words. Everything I am is tangled in my creations. And when those things start sucking the life out of me because I am Human, I shortcircuit. The vibrant colors of lies fade away and I’m left with the faded, gritty truth of:
I have no clue who I am.
Where do I go from here? What are the solutions to my problems? The people I’ve talked to about this told me to set a small goal that centers around enjoyment; essentially, distract myself like throwing a toy for a dog. Make it a goal to watch an episode of a TV show or read a chapter of a book. Let it be a game. Sometimes it works, often it doesn’t. I suck myself back into the over-working cycle due to a lack of self-discipline, then when burnout threatens, I dash away and hold out a cross to it as if it’s a demon.
I know I’m not the only creative person who has struggled with this, but I haven’t seen anyone in my spheres talk about it. It seems like everyone has it figured out until burnout strikes, then, we can only start writing when we’re forced to.
J. V. Montague 